[Photo by Tracey Hocking on Unsplash]

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So, I’ve mentioned many times that I like to ride dirt bikes (motorcycles made for the woods for the uninformed).  I will tell a tale about dirt bike riding someday, but today, the dirt bikes are just peripheral.

I’d been out riding with a relatively new friend.  He was in his 20’s and I was in my 30’s.  I’d met his parents on one occasion when I met him at their house to ride trails nearby.  This time we were coming back in his pickup with the bikes in back from a longer trip.  We were going to end up at his house which would give me a chance to see his place and meet his wife.  We parked the truck in the thick Kentucky grass off the dirt road leading to his house.  We’d just gotten the bikes down and Frank (not real name) was off putting some gear away as his wife (we’ll call her Jesse) came out to greet us.  She was a cute, short blonde country girl.  She was very attractive with her natural country girl appeal.

She’d met him halfway out of the house and they’d exchanged a quick kiss as she came walking barefoot on out into the grass to meet me.  We exchanged hello’s and names and started a brief conversation as I noticed something surprising that she’d brought out to the truck with her.  On her left shoulder was a massive spider. She was very calm and happy and the spider seemed very content, so I assumed it was a pet spider.  I’d heard of people with tarantulas for pets; I’d just never met one.  To top it off, here was this cute girl carrying the spider in the outdoors on her shoulder.

After chatting for a few moments, I had to bring it up to learn the story behind this beautiful, massive pet spider. I did hesitate for a second as I pondered the implications of being wrong about the nature of the relationship between the girl and the spider.  I envisioned screaming and jumping, possible injuries for all involved.  I thought if I spooked her badly that even if she didn’t jump too far, the spider might sense her reaction and bite her.  In the end, I just had to ask.  

I started with, “so tell me about your pet spider” to open things up. I immediately knew we had a problem when the question mark formed on her face.  She confirmed the fact that we were in a predicament as she asked me, “What pet spider?”

I paused at that junction with plans to swipe it off her shoulder as needed, but I’d just met her and her husband hadn’t gotten back from putting things away.  So, I was going to be very careful about just jumping at her and hitting her shoulder.  I mean, what would they think if I knocked it off and it ran away in the deep grass — and they never saw it.

I carefully pointed at her shoulder and said, “That spider on your shoulder.”  What came next still blows me away to this day.  It was her response. I’ve never seen a person respond more calmly to an unexpectedly large creature discovered to be on their body. She simply looked over, saw it and said, “oh my, shoo” as she swiped it off her shoulder.  The spider was apparently quite content and actually didn’t run away from her swiping attempt(s).  She (the girl) was persistent though and the spider did slowly walk its way down her shoulder across her chest and thigh and finally dropped from a web on down into the grass.  Jesse moved a few feet away and continued to converse with me as though nothing big had happened.

I wanted to revisit the spider incident and said, “I can’t believe how calm you were about that giant spider.  I thought it was some kind of a tarantula.”

“No,” she responded, “it’s what we call a ‘writer spider’ here in Kentucky because they make such beautiful webs. You know, like from Charlotte’s Web. They get really big out here in the country.” 

I’ve never been more impressed with a reaction from a girl in a circumstance that, for most females I’ve known (and quite a few guys I’ve known), would have been an emergency situation leading to crazed screaming and running and strong likelihood of someone, including themselves, getting hurt and property damaged. In fact, I remember thinking, “If I wasn’t married, I’d probably try to steal this girl away right now”.

Frank came on out as we continued our conversation.  He didn’t seem too surprised at the spider or Jesse’s reaction as I recounted the events while he’d been putting gear away.  “That’s the country for you,” he said.

I rode dirt bikes and fished from time to time over the years with Frank.  Sadly, he and Jesse divorced a few years later.  I don’t know the nature of their relationship, but I still think she was a pretty impressive spider girl.

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The next story in this series is: Tales from Kentucky #2: One More Time

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